Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
