We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
