weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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