Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
