I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
