I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
