Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
