South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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