Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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