Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize