my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
