someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
