There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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