i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He? As in you personified your dick?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
