My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
