My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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