is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
