help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
