I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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