it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
