If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
