time to smoke my breakfast
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
