i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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