my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
