I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
