Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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