I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
