Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
