i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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