I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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