just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
