i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
