Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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