My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
