No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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