She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
