Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
