i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
