I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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