you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
