Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
