I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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