Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
