ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
