he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
