So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
