It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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