Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
