Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
