i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
