shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
