i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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