Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
