Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
