Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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