I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
