fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
