I can tuck mytits in my pants
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
