you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
