I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
