how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
