It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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