She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
A+ Viking dick
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
