Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
