Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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