Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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