I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
