I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
