you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
