the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
