It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
