We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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