Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
