So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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