Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
