You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
