Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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