you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
