hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
