So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
