if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
