apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
