Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
