like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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