I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
