Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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